Want to hear how pathetic I am?

Yesterday I was listening to some great 80's love songs via Pandora, artist taping my images to my beautifully cut matt board for my show. I was thinking about my mental checklist that occurs at the end of every semester. You know how I usually have a count of how many ____'s left till the end of the semester? {I promise I'll get to the point} Here's pretty much how it went:

Photo shoots- 12
Pictures to print- 32
quizzes- 1
Finals-1
Projects-1
Portfolios to turn in-1
Things to get ready for my show- between a 0 and 1.
class days-4
days 'till graduation- 15

And it hit me literally like a semi truck that I'm really graduating.
You're probably thinking, how has it not already? Well I'm really good at mentally blocking out things that I know are looming distantly in the future that I don't want to happen. So I've been doing this hoping that May 4th would never come. It's been working rather well until yesterday....

But it is coming! And I am not sure I've ever been so sad in my entire life! Here I was at my humble 70's kitchen table having this inner battle with myself. It went almost identical to this-

Emotional self- "Wednesday is the last day I'll ever get to shoot in the USU studio!" {tears welling in my eye balls}

Tough self- "pull yourself together, Brianna!"

Emotional self- This is the 2nd to last print I'll ever matt for a gallery in college! {tears reaching the overflow point in my eyes.}

Tough self- "Don't you dare cry, Brianna!"

Emotional self- "I'm almost done with my very last end of semester portfolio I'll ever do!" {full-on crying}

aaaaand my tough self pretty much gave in to my emotional self for a good and hearty cry. And unfortunately it didn't really make me feel much better because it didn't exactly change the fact that I only have 2 weeks left.

Apparently growing up is a reality that happens whether you like it or not.

Advice to those younger than I am- take 10 years {at least} to graduate college. I wish I would have.

So that is my story of being pathetic. Instead of celebrating graduating college, and the great accomplishment it is, I cry because it's over.

I think I attribute this to my childhood of moving every few years and having to say goodbye to the places and people I loved. Every time it was hard. And I knew every time it happened that there'd be people I'd never see again and places I'd never go back to.

I know the same is true for Logan and USU. I have LOVED my experiences here. I loved this school so much. I seriously am inspired and a better person because of the people I met here and I can entirely say I know who I am because of it. I grew up here. I learned more here, not just scholarly and photography related, but about life and the world and what I want out of life and what's most important to me too.

I know that when I move from this beautiful valley that there are people I'll never see again. It makes me emotional just thinking about this! I'm pretty good at keeping in touch with people, but it's not the same. It's hard to say goodbye to a place that has so much meaning and importance to me.

I know I'm 100% ready to plant myself somewhere where I'll never have to say goodbye again with someone who will always be there. I know this is likely not going to happen right away, but a girl can dream, right?

And to end on a non-somber note, ya'll are coming to my BFA exhibition tomorrow, correct? GREAT! I'll see ya there! 7-9 @ Herm's Inn.